The beginning

I had just arrived, I was still tired from travelling. Little did I know that this would be the vacation that would forever change my life.
To contextualize, I went on a summer vacation to the island you were living in. You were from a neighbor island, in the same country, but you went there to look for better carreer opportunities. I was there to have a week of fun and no stress. Then I met you, and all the calm I planned on having vanished. You started to shake my every atom right there.
We had a common friend, through whom we met. i went to dinner with her, she told me there was a friend she wanted me to meet, a really cool guy. You arrived, sit right next to me. We barely talked, just exchanged both shy and bold looks for about two hours. I was so innocent at the time, I had no clue that those eyes would haunt me from that night forward.
When we left the restaurant, you went home because you were tired from work. I had just met you and the last thing on my mind was getting involved with someone, but when we all separated the only thing I could think about was how much I would like you to come with us to the club, how much I would like to give a sequel to those looks and see what was behind that sweet baby face of yours.
I never told you this, but that night, that first moment when we met and you looked at me, that was when you got me.
I don't want to get into the cliché of saying it was love at first sight, because I know love only came later. But you caught my attention in the very first minute I saw you, and you still have it.

Memories

As I think of he many memories we have, I can't help but wonder if that's not exactly what we are, memories.
All of those amazing moments we had and that I will cherish forever, everything I thought made us what we are, maybe it's nothing more than little marks of the past. Things that were good, very good may I say, but are over.
I think of so many things you said that made me feel so complete and loved. And then I think of now. And it breaks my heart not to see the same person there. It's almost like our bodies entered two different planes, but the people we were stayed there. I don't feel connected to you in any way, I feel like I'm talking to a stranger, the very few times we talk. Everytime I hang up the phone I feel sadder than before.
Maybe I'm a fool, but I want to live in the past. I don't want to move forward if it means getting to know the person you are now. I don't love that person, I loved my boyfriend back there. And I loved me back there, I hate the person I see in the mirror every day. This self-pitting, sad woman is not me. I smile, I laugh. People either say I have a beautiful smile or a crazy loud laugh, but they always comment on my humor. Or that's what they did. Now all I hear are pseudo-comforting words saying how sad I look, how empty my eyes are.
If this is how I 'm going to be now, and if that is how you are going to be now, kill us once and for all. Stop sticking a knife in very painful but not lethal spots. Just stick it across our heart and stop this.
They say hope is the last thing to die. I feel its breath weakening.

Thinking of you

I think of you often. It is safe to say I spend every day thinking of you. It's not that I choose to keep you on my mind. It's your fault, not mine. You dug such a deep hole in my mind and buried yourself in it that you made it impossible for me not to think of you every second of every hour. In a way, i feel like I don't think of you, because you are not a simple idea that appears on my brain and then leaves. You are permanent, you remain on a corner of my eyes, everywhere I look.

With everything I do, there you are to remind me not to forget you. When I wake up in the morning, even before looking at the clock I find myself thinking whether you are still asleep and if everything is okay with you. I get up and once I get into the kitchen to have breakfast, before realizing what I want to eat, I think of the many breakfasts we shared and I can't eat any of the things we used to. It is disrespectful to have coffee with milk without you.

When I'm not with you, I have to have a completely different life, even if I don't want to. Even if there are habits that I want to keep because I think they were good, I can't. Because I did those things with you. I can't lie on the couch looking at a series in my computer. Of course I can't, that is something we used to do together. Doing it alone would be killing the memory, saying I'm good enough to do it without you. Which I am not. I am not good enough to do alone any of the things I did with you. Because now it takes two to do all of those things. And I am not even one, I am only half. You took my other half with you. So how can half a person do the exact same thing as two? I can't, I don't have strength to do it nor the conscience to carry it.

You are deeply rooted in me. Please come back to me, give me back the part of me you took, give me the things we did together, give me you.

I can't wait much longer anymore, we both know it.

First Dinner

We had decided to spend the whole day together. So much had happened the day before, we decided that this would be our clean slate. And it was. I didn't realize it then, how important that day and night would become to us. You didn't go to work that day, there was no appointment, nothing to do, but stay in all day. We woke up late in the morning, I made breakfast. We went back to bed. I don't know how I can recll every moment, but I do. We talked, watched movies, had long sex sessions. We had time for everything, and time went by so fast. When we realized it, it was almost dinner time and we didn't have anything to cook at home. So we both decided, both unconsciously and at the same time, that this would be our first "official" meal together. No one said it, but we knew. We knew this would be the first of many to come. We came back from the market, I decided I was cooking. You went to the bedroom and stayed there, talking to friends, watching a movie. I decided I wanted to prepare an unforgettable meal with the very limited means we had. I tried, I don't think what we ate was unforgettable, but every moment was. Two hours later, I had dinner ready, on a table set with small candles and a beach towel serving as a table towel. I called you, you had a glance at the table and you went back to the bedroom. I started hearing a James Blunt song, I will absolutely never forget which one it was. You came back to the room, came closer to me, held me softly and said "thank you". Such a small sentence, but so sincere. I felt it was, I know it was. I still remember what we ate, what we drank. Maybe with time those details will fade. But the one thing time will never erase from my mind is the way you made me feel that evening. You made me feel that was the beginning of something beautiful. It was. And ever since, each time I hear "You're Beautiful" I will remember the goosebumps you gave me for that minute you held me and kissed me. That one minute that will last a lifetime.