Memories

As I think of he many memories we have, I can't help but wonder if that's not exactly what we are, memories.
All of those amazing moments we had and that I will cherish forever, everything I thought made us what we are, maybe it's nothing more than little marks of the past. Things that were good, very good may I say, but are over.
I think of so many things you said that made me feel so complete and loved. And then I think of now. And it breaks my heart not to see the same person there. It's almost like our bodies entered two different planes, but the people we were stayed there. I don't feel connected to you in any way, I feel like I'm talking to a stranger, the very few times we talk. Everytime I hang up the phone I feel sadder than before.
Maybe I'm a fool, but I want to live in the past. I don't want to move forward if it means getting to know the person you are now. I don't love that person, I loved my boyfriend back there. And I loved me back there, I hate the person I see in the mirror every day. This self-pitting, sad woman is not me. I smile, I laugh. People either say I have a beautiful smile or a crazy loud laugh, but they always comment on my humor. Or that's what they did. Now all I hear are pseudo-comforting words saying how sad I look, how empty my eyes are.
If this is how I 'm going to be now, and if that is how you are going to be now, kill us once and for all. Stop sticking a knife in very painful but not lethal spots. Just stick it across our heart and stop this.
They say hope is the last thing to die. I feel its breath weakening.