Thinking of you

I think of you often. It is safe to say I spend every day thinking of you. It's not that I choose to keep you on my mind. It's your fault, not mine. You dug such a deep hole in my mind and buried yourself in it that you made it impossible for me not to think of you every second of every hour. In a way, i feel like I don't think of you, because you are not a simple idea that appears on my brain and then leaves. You are permanent, you remain on a corner of my eyes, everywhere I look.

With everything I do, there you are to remind me not to forget you. When I wake up in the morning, even before looking at the clock I find myself thinking whether you are still asleep and if everything is okay with you. I get up and once I get into the kitchen to have breakfast, before realizing what I want to eat, I think of the many breakfasts we shared and I can't eat any of the things we used to. It is disrespectful to have coffee with milk without you.

When I'm not with you, I have to have a completely different life, even if I don't want to. Even if there are habits that I want to keep because I think they were good, I can't. Because I did those things with you. I can't lie on the couch looking at a series in my computer. Of course I can't, that is something we used to do together. Doing it alone would be killing the memory, saying I'm good enough to do it without you. Which I am not. I am not good enough to do alone any of the things I did with you. Because now it takes two to do all of those things. And I am not even one, I am only half. You took my other half with you. So how can half a person do the exact same thing as two? I can't, I don't have strength to do it nor the conscience to carry it.

You are deeply rooted in me. Please come back to me, give me back the part of me you took, give me the things we did together, give me you.

I can't wait much longer anymore, we both know it.